Musing on Love and Life

It's nearly time to head back to Basingstoke for my last extensive summer (extensive meaning the 3 months they give you off in uni!)

I'm excited to see my family again. I'm looking forward to home comforts ... OK, mostly, that means free food. It's crazy, how little you appreciate how much food costs when you're young! Then again, once I'm earning a professional wage I'm guessing food costs will fade into insignificance again. It's just when you're trying to live off a student loan it's problematic.

Anyway, I was tweeting, and then I clicked on one of my sisters' friends profiles, and went to her blog, and as a result ended up another blog. I don't know if they want to be anonymous for their blog, but anyway. I wrote a long comment as a response, thought better of it, and decided to turn my comment into a blog, as it's something that has been occupying my mind for a while anyway.

This was the blog post:


"All my friends are around me.
I have my family close at hand.
My boyfriend loves me to the ends of the earth.

Then why is it that I feel so alone?
I read my friends blog, and almost her mind, and find that she's in love.
The girl who never would love in her life, is in love.
That makes me sad, because I am not.
I am going to be a lonely old maid with an acceptable job and a mundane husband, but without any outstanding ambitions or memories to console myself with.

I wish I had love that could set me free.
Strangely I feel it's at my fingertips, if only I were brave enough to turn my life upsidedown and grab it.

And even then I think I am kidding myself with my own imagination and ridiculous thoughts.
Like anyone would turn their life upsidedown for me, leave everything they had on a whim, just to give it a try.
That's fantasy fit for a fairytale - definately not a story taken from my book.

It's not going to happen.
The supposed best summer of my life is going to deflate in front of my eyes because I am jealous and want to be wild.
I don't think I'd suit the crazy lifestyle.
I am simply plain. Plain Jane.
The girl who won't even get a backie home or jump a fence to get a rush.

I don't think I've felt like this in a while.

Someone set me free. "


This was the comment I wrote:

Dude. You're 18. When you're 28 you can complain about not being in love, perhaps.

The people you expect to stay together forever at 18 probably won't.

Life is strange, and surprising, and wonderfully unpredictable. You don't know when you'll meet that person who might turn your world upside down. You don't know that they will; they might creep unassumingly into your life, and suddenly you might just know you don't want them to leave, ever. And that could happen at any age.

Love, when you're young, can be taken light-heartedly, which is the best way to do it IMHO. But maybe I'm biased.

Treat the summer as it should be treated: an opportunity to have fun before the hard work begins. And despite the hype, it's not your last summer; uni ones have the same opportunities and excitement. No pressure (:



And I mean all that. When I was 18, I was in love. I was deadly serious about this guy. We were going to stay together, despite the distance between my university and our home town, where he was staying to work. We would stay together because I couldn't imagine my life without him, because I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more, because he made me wildly happy.

We fell apart after 3 months of a long distance relationship. We couldn't find the time to talk. Our interests grew further apart. My life was becoming medicine, and he just wasn't interested in the things that fascinated me. He told me he had no time to call, because he was at the pub with his new friends, and I disagreed that this was a valid excuse. We argued. We went on a break, a break that was never resolved, a break that became a break-up.

Yes, for over a year after this break up, we practically got back together when I was back in town, but I've grown tired of having the same conversation. Basically:

Me: Please can we get back together.
Him: I can't be bothered with this long distance thing. But come back down after your degree yeah?

The romantic in me thinks that if he wanted me, he would make that effort now. Whether that's my naive and idealistic view of love still hanging on from my youth I do not know, but I hope its not. I am clinging to this belief that love can overcome distance. Don't get me wrong, me and this guy were in love, as much as you can be I'm fairly sure. But I think people change, and with that, people can become incompatible. Who knows, we might become compatible again. But I doubt it. There's been too much hurt.

ANYWAY, am I stressing about the fact that currently I have no-one? Well, a little; I don't think I've been in this situation since I was 15, but not a huge amount. I'm only 20. That's not old. In fact, it's still a little young to be finding a life partner, however much I miss having a boyfriend at times.

Love is unpredictable. I think that's my current final assessment. Couples you thought would stay together forever, like me and my boyfriend, like two of my other best friends, break up. Couples you never saw working, who didn't make sense at first, can become great together. Finally, a person is not perfect. Accepting this, and still wanting to be with someone ... Not wanting them to ever leave ... Not being able to imagine your life without them ... That is love. And once you have settled into the person you will probably be for the rest of your life, I imagine that love will stick around, with some work from either party.

My final epic summer has begun fantastically, with one of the best weeks of my life in the Peak District. The weather was glorious, it was so much fun, and the company was some of the best people I know. I now have about a month of working before going to China!! Excitement!!

Musings done for now.

xxx

To being a better blogger...

4 / 9 exams now done. Unfortunately this means I now must embark upon neuroscience revision; this terrifies me. 11 people failed it last year. The average was only 58%. Apparently it's the hardest exam we sit until finals. And it's the one I've revised the least for. Ohhhhhh dear.

I just posted the £1200 to my Childreach fundraising page, so now it looks a LOT healthier :D Good times! If you would like to know more about my trekking the Great Wall in August, and the charity I'm doing it for, visit http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/sarahhallett It really is going to be a massive challenge; I'm not exactly in peak physical fitness, and I'm trekking stairs in 35 degree heat. Oh dear. I can't wait though. And I feel proud to be raising so much money for such a worthy cause!

I should start doing what my sister does, and write down things to talk about in my blog as they come to me. Seeing as my life is currently revision right now, and that's all I really care about, I can't imagine it'd be particularly useful anyway.

REVISION. REVISION. REVISION. First however I shall eat some soup. Nomnomnom.

Loves
xoxox

EXAMS

I should be revising right now. Massive exam tomorrow. I just can't find the drive though! Not sure what is wrong with me. Argh. I cannot fail these exams; retakes are when I'm supposed to be in China. Panic panic panic. Right. Revision!

Politics: My first attempt at a commentary!

Today was a massive fail on the revision front. It's too late at night to try and claw it back now however; I think I'll just write a blog, and go to sleep, with the intention of getting up and revising HARD tomorrow. It didn't help that today I was forced to re-revise things from my first year. I dislike biochemistry, and I dislike forgetting things (even if I did learn them over a year ago...)

So. Tonight was the first ever televised UK Election debate. Gordon Brown (Labour), David Cameron (Conservative) and Nick Clegg (Lib Dem) discussed questions from an audience about issues key to the upcoming election.

I thought Gordon Brown handled himself better than I expected. He seemed confident in his abilities to continue ruling this country. Misplaced confidence if you ask me; I think the British public have had enough of Labour, and despite a fairly decent performance in tonight's debate, he is still bottom of opinion polls.

I don't think David Cameron came across very well however. These debates are key to persuading the nation that he is the man for the job, and as favourite, that should be easy-ish for him. He seemed a bit too fake to me however.

Finally, Nick Clegg. Hello weird crush for April. He seemed the most sincere. I agree that UK politics needs something new, and that maybe it is a new political party taking the helm. Let's see if he retains my interest until the General Election. He seemed to be the winner of tonight's debate anyway.

Speaking of which, I need to make sure I can actually vote! Having researched Nottingham and Basingstoke, it seems that Basingstoke is more of a marginal constituency than Nottingham, therefore my vote could be more useful here. Nottingham is a very safe Labour area. (In case anyone reading this wants to check out their area, look at http://www.voterpower.org.uk/)

That's something that really irritates me about voting in this country. I think that it should just work on a nationwide scale! Or you're not really representing everyone's views. A majority in an area is not fair representation; we need proportional representation. There must be some form of petition I can sign about this...

I'm sleepy, and I'm not sure that what I'm writing makes any sense. So I think I'll sign off here... More interesting blogs to come, honest!

x

Why my Easter is going to be boring

I've decided it's time for another attempt at this blog malarky. Mainly because I have an urge to rant about politics, but also because I am revising and feel I need another form of procrastination. At least this one allows me to practice forming sentences (a skill I feel I am losing with all this note making!)

So. It's April 2010. I'm in Basingstoke, on what is probably my last ever Easter holiday, as this time next year I will be on clinicals (fingers crossed!).
My life is currently dominated by revision. I have been doing OK so far, and mostly meeting targets, although I've been struggling a little, and it's a fairly easy subject I'm currently tackling (Clinical Laboratory Sciences) so it could all go Pete Tong yet.

My friendship group in Basingstoke has dwindled to say the least. When I lived here full time, I had a boyfriend, about whom I was very serious. I was pretty much set on marrying him. This meant that my friendship group mostly became a set of 4 couples:

• Me and James. Finished over a year ago. We're still mates. He's currently in Portugal on holiday.
• Kim and Joe: Kim is my Best Friend in the World. Joe is one of James' mates. They met through us, and were together for a long time, but broke up a few months ago. Kim is now in Turkey, working as a beauty therapist (and I miss her loads already!) Joe is returning to Uni on Monday.
• Lissy and Sam: Still together. If they ever break up I will lose my faith in love. They are also returning to Uni on Monday, and have lots of work to do, so I haven't seen them hardly at all yet. Bad times.
• Dave and Adele: Still together (we'll ignore the blip). Dave now lives and works in London. Del's family moved away to somewhere near Gatwick (the place name refuses to stick in my head) so I very rarely see them. This makes me sad.

In addition to these couples, my other best friends were Steph (who is currently lambing for her RVC course), Maller (who is back from Scotland til Wednesday) and some others like Jordy (who I sadly haven't seen in ages).

The point I am trying to illustrate is that in a week, my only best friend left in Basingstoke will be James. I'm wondering how and why this happened.

Still, I'm planning on a trip to Pompey to see Joe, Sam and Lissy. And hopefully it will benefit my revision.

Speaking of which, I need to learn about the molecular control of the cell cycle (joy of joys). My politics rant will have to wait.

x

Hellooooo summer!

SO I didn't really use this blog in my first year at medical school. Too busy trying pushing the cliche "Work hard, play hard" to its limits!

Results came through today, and I'm on a first overall, which makes up for the horrendous amounts of stress I tend to get during exam time. Apparently I'm also rather good at the slightly useless subjects, ie, Communication Skills and Public Health. Still, it seems I was also good at the coursework, which I'm hoping gives a positive prediction for dissertation writing! Anatomy was my worst of this round, and HDT my worst overall.

So my summer is now stretching out in front of me, revision free! I currently have very few plans, other than somehow get a job, and go to Reading Festival at the end of August.

My life has changed so much during this year. In the first blog post, I talk about the dreaded long distance relationship. Unfortunately, my (now ex-) boyfriend decided it was too much of a strain. We were together for over 3 years. Of course, finding out he cheated on you puts a different shine on the past, but ... well yes. Let's not go there here :) Seeing him tomorrow.

I also was dreading the blood tests necessary during the first week. I was right too; it took a good hour for me to finally let them stick that needle in my arm. Now, I feel somewhat like a blood test pro, as I've had A LOT of blood tests this past year. There are upsides to suffering from glandular fever and iron-deficient anaemia: my needle phobia is almost completely banished. This means I'm not dreading learning how to take blood in a few years time quite so much.

The friends I have made are amazing, and I'm going to miss them so much over the next few months!!!

I am looking forward to catching up with my Basingstoke friends though. Going to a bar with some of them tonight, good times.

Currently both my Nans are ill, one of them having just suffered a M.I. when on holiday in Switzerland (frustrating as we can't visit her), and the other one just getting to the point where her body is giving up I think. Visited her today, and it was a bit depressing :(

My current obsession is with McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. I love that program. I also love understanding bits of it; there was a guy with Marfan's, and me and my best friend pretty much predicted his aorta problems, and got a bit too excited about it :P

x

EXAMS!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
rgh
!

Very very uncool!

Saturday morning, 10am and they'll all be over! Until then... well it's one of the worst weeks of my life I think! Stressful to the extreme.

Speaking of which I need to STOP procrastinating and actually learn some Public Health!

Gargh.

xxx