Musing on Love and Life

It's nearly time to head back to Basingstoke for my last extensive summer (extensive meaning the 3 months they give you off in uni!)

I'm excited to see my family again. I'm looking forward to home comforts ... OK, mostly, that means free food. It's crazy, how little you appreciate how much food costs when you're young! Then again, once I'm earning a professional wage I'm guessing food costs will fade into insignificance again. It's just when you're trying to live off a student loan it's problematic.

Anyway, I was tweeting, and then I clicked on one of my sisters' friends profiles, and went to her blog, and as a result ended up another blog. I don't know if they want to be anonymous for their blog, but anyway. I wrote a long comment as a response, thought better of it, and decided to turn my comment into a blog, as it's something that has been occupying my mind for a while anyway.

This was the blog post:


"All my friends are around me.
I have my family close at hand.
My boyfriend loves me to the ends of the earth.

Then why is it that I feel so alone?
I read my friends blog, and almost her mind, and find that she's in love.
The girl who never would love in her life, is in love.
That makes me sad, because I am not.
I am going to be a lonely old maid with an acceptable job and a mundane husband, but without any outstanding ambitions or memories to console myself with.

I wish I had love that could set me free.
Strangely I feel it's at my fingertips, if only I were brave enough to turn my life upsidedown and grab it.

And even then I think I am kidding myself with my own imagination and ridiculous thoughts.
Like anyone would turn their life upsidedown for me, leave everything they had on a whim, just to give it a try.
That's fantasy fit for a fairytale - definately not a story taken from my book.

It's not going to happen.
The supposed best summer of my life is going to deflate in front of my eyes because I am jealous and want to be wild.
I don't think I'd suit the crazy lifestyle.
I am simply plain. Plain Jane.
The girl who won't even get a backie home or jump a fence to get a rush.

I don't think I've felt like this in a while.

Someone set me free. "


This was the comment I wrote:

Dude. You're 18. When you're 28 you can complain about not being in love, perhaps.

The people you expect to stay together forever at 18 probably won't.

Life is strange, and surprising, and wonderfully unpredictable. You don't know when you'll meet that person who might turn your world upside down. You don't know that they will; they might creep unassumingly into your life, and suddenly you might just know you don't want them to leave, ever. And that could happen at any age.

Love, when you're young, can be taken light-heartedly, which is the best way to do it IMHO. But maybe I'm biased.

Treat the summer as it should be treated: an opportunity to have fun before the hard work begins. And despite the hype, it's not your last summer; uni ones have the same opportunities and excitement. No pressure (:



And I mean all that. When I was 18, I was in love. I was deadly serious about this guy. We were going to stay together, despite the distance between my university and our home town, where he was staying to work. We would stay together because I couldn't imagine my life without him, because I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more, because he made me wildly happy.

We fell apart after 3 months of a long distance relationship. We couldn't find the time to talk. Our interests grew further apart. My life was becoming medicine, and he just wasn't interested in the things that fascinated me. He told me he had no time to call, because he was at the pub with his new friends, and I disagreed that this was a valid excuse. We argued. We went on a break, a break that was never resolved, a break that became a break-up.

Yes, for over a year after this break up, we practically got back together when I was back in town, but I've grown tired of having the same conversation. Basically:

Me: Please can we get back together.
Him: I can't be bothered with this long distance thing. But come back down after your degree yeah?

The romantic in me thinks that if he wanted me, he would make that effort now. Whether that's my naive and idealistic view of love still hanging on from my youth I do not know, but I hope its not. I am clinging to this belief that love can overcome distance. Don't get me wrong, me and this guy were in love, as much as you can be I'm fairly sure. But I think people change, and with that, people can become incompatible. Who knows, we might become compatible again. But I doubt it. There's been too much hurt.

ANYWAY, am I stressing about the fact that currently I have no-one? Well, a little; I don't think I've been in this situation since I was 15, but not a huge amount. I'm only 20. That's not old. In fact, it's still a little young to be finding a life partner, however much I miss having a boyfriend at times.

Love is unpredictable. I think that's my current final assessment. Couples you thought would stay together forever, like me and my boyfriend, like two of my other best friends, break up. Couples you never saw working, who didn't make sense at first, can become great together. Finally, a person is not perfect. Accepting this, and still wanting to be with someone ... Not wanting them to ever leave ... Not being able to imagine your life without them ... That is love. And once you have settled into the person you will probably be for the rest of your life, I imagine that love will stick around, with some work from either party.

My final epic summer has begun fantastically, with one of the best weeks of my life in the Peak District. The weather was glorious, it was so much fun, and the company was some of the best people I know. I now have about a month of working before going to China!! Excitement!!

Musings done for now.

xxx